Bachelorette on The Loose

             A blog post to the people of the earth, from Nicholas Tate a pastor of Christ (with a potential minor in helps) called to ministry and humor by the one and only eternal father YHVH.  I write to you concerning recent events that have served to further friendships and strengthen love in the southern portion of California.

             As many of you know our brother Jared Sumners is about to enter into the promised land that is marriage with his elegant and subtle fíáncé Kate Sturlaugson.  In consultation with Kevin Mayer and Nicholas Maurer it was decided that the best bachelorette bar mitzvah we could throw for Jared would be set in the desert.  Luckily for Jared some critical rights of passage usually inflicted at bar mitzvahs were not accomplished at this one.  We lacked proper tools.
             The first measure that was taken in order to assure our endless wandering was that myself and Nick Maurer would have to find our own way to Joshua Tree National Park.  Without the help of an I-phone and a guiding dust cloud shaped like a white Toyota Camry we would have been in that dessert for at least 40 years and 40 nights. 

שלום

Slurps and seeds were Nick's Idea.  Manna, Quail, Water.

A Cholla grove near dusk. Thankfully it was also near the road! 

            Nick and I finally arrived to the Jumbo Rocks campground.  We were welcomed with little joy and even less patience.  Jesse and Kevin, unclothed from the waist up, had been eagerly awaiting our arrival atop a rock.  There are no pictures, because we showed up 3 and a half hours after we said we would.  Turns out most people in the desert like to eat dinner at 8:30. We fit right in!

Um Nick... your Holy Ghost is showing. 

              Their was something magical about this night.  Every translucent and magical view seemed to evade the lens.  However if our memories are simply faulty cameras in our minds, then this camera must have been partially inebriated by six ounces of PBR (this acronym is not to be confused with the alliance of Professional Bull Riders who in no way associated with thebenovolentnictator or any of its participating affiliate syndicates).


Pause, breathe deep
Turn your ear to the wind
Again, breathe deep and behold
A transfiguration of sorts. 

The views and actions of this blog in no way shape or forum reflect the theological or hermeneutic opinions of Forrest Home or its Recreation Staff. 

If you look closely you can see a little bachelorette blessing in the shape of a bat. 

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Say ahh.

We interrupt the current post to announce the:

Photo Caption Contest!!!!!

Attention: Photo caption contest!!!! Please participate because usually no one does because no one cares and its getting old. Simply leave a comment that could be a caption for the above picture. Responses should be thematic and utilize proper grammar and you will be entered to win a $5 gift card to Kentucky Fried Chicken.  No run-on sentences please.

Balance.  Coincidentally not the only full moon we saw. 

Jesse, happily standing near a dike.

Sometimes humor is purely luck.  Thusly Jesse ate an avocado. I don't know if he made that face on purpose, but thank the L_RD for it.  He is so kind.

A song to pass the time.   photo credit @youngbrotherbuck

It was about this time that Jared and Jesse started talking about the book of Duderonomy.  How it was basically a 50 chapter sermon given to the Israelites before they entered into the promised land.  It was here that I decided I would read this book of the bible to the guests at Kate and Jared's wedding to give a nod to old Moses, before Jared and Kate tie the knot.



I have included a copy of the book of D'varim (duderonomy) here for your literary appetites.  Courtesy of the Jewish Virtual Library ©2013 The Jewish American Cooperative Enterprise, Zion Illinois.

Note: Blogspot ruined my best joke by not allowing me to publish this post with the  book of Duderonomy included.   Separation of church and state has really gone to far.  I am wearing sackcloth.

This will have to suffice.  Jared,  here is some biblical advice that will surely help your Marriage. 

27:16 Cursed be he that setteth light by his father or his mother. And all the people shall say, Amen.

27:17 Cursed be he that removeth his neighbour's landmark. And all the people shall say, Amen.

27:18 Cursed be he that maketh the blind to wander out of the way. And all the people shall say, Amen.

27:19 Cursed be he that perverteth the judgment of the stranger, fatherless, and widow. And all the people shall say, Amen.

27:20 Cursed be he that lieth with his father's wife; because he uncovereth his father's skirt. And all the people shall say, Amen.

27:21 Cursed be he that lieth with any manner of beast. And all the people shall say, Amen.

27:22 Cursed be he that lieth with his sister, the daughter of his father, or the daughter of his mother. And all the people shall say, Amen.

27:23 Cursed be he that lieth with his mother in law. And all the people shall say, Amen.

27:24 Cursed be he that smiteth his neighbour secretly. And all the people shall say, Amen.

27:25 Cursed be he that taketh reward to slay an innocent person. And all the people shall say, Amen.

27:26 Cursed be he that confirmeth not all the words of this law to do them. And all the people shall say, Amen.

Morning after. French toast and friendship. 

Jesse about to throw Tre 9.

The beard tempts me to make a comment about Jared being moses, but I fear that is a morbid comparison to draw considering the Bible.

          Thank you for joining us on this journey.  Jared, we love you and will do anything for you if you just ask.  We can't wait to watch you cross the River Jordan.  Also please pray for Kate because she is still under the impression that she will be sharing a bathroom with Jared.


Until Next Time........

One last little morsel.